June 30, 2008
Long overdue
This weekend I traveled down to Chattanooga, TN to see some family that I have not seen in about two years. This trip was long overdue. I met my uncle and grandma (yes the one that I previously ranted about on resentment) and stayed with them for the weekend.
My uncle and aunt that live in TN have 5 children. They range in age from a freshman in high school to a 5 year old. They have raised them with good ol’ southern values. They say yes ma’am and sir. They are polite and well mannered. Sometimes they get rambunctious like all children but when are told to calm down, they do.
David, their five year old, is somewhat of a miracle baby. He was born with Down Syndrome and a hole in his heart. They were not sure if he was going to make it and has had several surgeries on his heart. Right now, he is waiting to have another surgery because one of his valves is leaking. David is amazing. He cannot speak (besides yes and no) but he can communicate with you. You know what David wants by hand gestures and sign language. He is always smiling. It amazes me that children with Downs are always so happy. They don’t know that they are any different from anyone else. David seems to love everyone that he comes across and always finds the fun in things. His brothers and sisters are wonderful with him and I think that if anyone is mean to David in years to come, they will have 4 siblings to deal with. Their family is amazing. They almost make me want to move to TN to be closer to them.
Why can’t everyone be like David? It would be wonderful if we could all find the fun in things and the good in people instead of always seeing the negative and complaining about things that we cannot control. My uncle and aunt could not control the fact that David was born with Downs so they embrace it and have taught their kids that being different is okay. It would be a wonderful world if everyone had that outlook on life.
June 24, 2008
Resentment
Resentment (also called ranklement) is an emotion of anger or bitterness felt repeatedly, as a result of a real or imagined wrong done.
Resentment will often manifest itself in the following ways:
- The harbouring of animosity against a person, or group of people, whom the person feels has mistreated them.
- Seething, aching emotional turmoil felt whenever a certain person or event is discussed.
- The lack of forgiving, the unwillingness to let go and forget.
- A root of distrust and suspicion when dealing with people.
- A grudge held against a person, or group of people, whom the person feels has kept them from achieving anything.
With that being said…I have some resentment. I have some resentment towards my Grandmother and my cousin. My cousin, who is currently 21 yrs old, is a loser. That’s a harsh statement, but in my eyes, it is true. He did not graduate highschool, he did not go back to get his GED, he cannot hold down a job and just recently failed a drug test. He has been living off my grandmother since he graduated high school. Which, in a way, I can’t blame him because her and my grandfather, basically raised him. They did not raise him as a son though, they raised him as their grandchild and completely spoiled him. He is used to getting what he wants.
Needless to say, some MAJOR family drama has occured in the past couple of days. After he failed the drug test, my grandmother said that she would no longer support him. He moved out of her house and moved in with some friends. Well, when my grandmother recieved her credit card statement this month, a whopping 3000 dollars was charged on it by my cousin. Of course, she is not going to go after him to get the money back. She’s just going to pay it. My uncle, who has been in charge of her finances since my grandfather passed away, is FURIOUS. Which he should be.
Well, to go along with this, my cousin’s truck broke down and needs a new transmission. My grandmother decides that she is going to pay for it. WTF! What happened to her NOT supporting him anymore. To fix his transmission, it will cost about $1500.
To go along with this (something I just found out today) he (my cousin) was arrested earlier this year. He was in prison. My aunt (his mother) and my grandmother bailed him out of jail and paid for his lawyer. His court date is in October and he is facing 3-5 years. All I know is that he stole something…probably a car.
WTF!!!! Why can he be such a screwup and get bailed out every f-ing time?? Why do my sister and I work so hard at going to school and earning a paycheck? Why do we rack up bills to survive? If I was a screwup would my grandmother support me too? Where is my $1500 dollars,or better yet, $3000? If she cannot do it for all the grandchildren why do it for just him?
It hurts my feelings that she favors him. I’ve never done anything to her. Why can she not treat us all the same? I understand that he was practically raised by her. I don’t care. I really want to call her up and tell her that my feelings are hurt. How is he supposed to learn if she is constantly bailing him out? My mom said that I should wait until after Christmas. Apparently, my grandmother said that we are supposed to be having a really good Christmas. Well, I’ll tell you what. My gifts better equal out to $3000!!!
AARRGGHHHH!!! I need to let go of this resentment so it does not eat me up inside but I just don’t know if I can. Everytime I hear my cousin’s name or think about my grandmother, it just pisses me off. I know that I’m not the only one feeling this resentment in my family. I have yet to talk to my sister about this. I’m sure I’ll talk to her tonight after my mom gives her the news about him being in jail. I just hope this resentment does not cause a rift in our family. Maybe if he goes to jail things can heal with him out of the way. I just keep hearing the saying “What comes around, goes around.” That’s a horrible thing to say but maybe this is what he needs.
